My kids are amazing. My husband is the best partner I could hope for. And I am really happy being Supermom. You might be, too. KHernan August 19, I've commented on this site before about this topic I think , and, YES, in my opinion it is a lose-lose situation.
For me, it was difficult to adjust to the reality that you can't have it all. I grew up in the 70s and 80s and formed the opinion that I could have it all if I worked hard enough and made the right decisions.
I am not actually sure where or when I formed this idea but I assume that I was heavily influenced by the media and influencers outside my family. I say that because my mother was not an example of a woman having it all. She stayed at home with us until I was about 12 and then took a job teaching at a parochial school at a much lower salary than what teachers in the area earned in the public system. I remember distinctly being aware of the fact that the 12 years she took off from teaching had a negative impact on her career.
We were happy however. And I think she was happy with how things turned out. In any case, I grew into adulthood convinced that I could be a great mother and a great professional.
Add into the mix that I also figured I could be a great wife and a great friend. There have been too many situations to list or count that I have been disappointed in myself as a mother. For example last year I missed my son's five year birthday party because I had to work, unexpectedly.
In the big scheme of things it is not a huge deal but to a five year old boy it is the end of the world. I just never planned on being such a huge disappointment to my kids, even if just for a brief but painful period of time. It just so happens that I have one of those kids that remembers everything and he just brought up the birthday party thing last week, more than a year later! There are likely many times when my parental responsibilities have interfered with me being the best professional I can be.
When the kids were babies I might have been less alert than I should have been. I may rush through work because of the desire to have weekends off when other people chose to be more deliberate. Whatever it is, I tend to not notice or remember these little disappointments.
I take these things less personally than I take the family-related stuff. They are there, nevertheless. My advice, before you decide to be a mother and an attorney, come to the realization that you can't be everything to everyone.
Understand that you will make compromises and sacrifices. If you are a person like I was, compromises in the area of personal success is a foreign concept. Today, it is part of my daily life. The question is probably whether you can be an overachiever in every area of your life or all things to all people and that answer is no.
Something's got to give. I'm a mother and law student but I've worked at law firms for the past 7 years and observed lwayer moms in action. Those who do it well aren't afraid to delegate to others, set boundaries early and often, and make the time with their kids quality time. You have to realize that sometimes the laundry won't get folded because it's more important to cuddle on the couch.
You won't be home for dinner every single night, but the nights you are can be fun family nights. Although the nature of the law is such that client demands arise that cannot be ignored, there are many times where people stay late for "face time" or other silly reasons. Recruit your husband, extended family and caregivers for blocks of weekend time so that you can work and then return to your family for a focused period with them. I would like to believe that it can be done. One more thing.
As staff at a law firm, I have a very inflexible schedule. I have to be here at certain times and have limited leave. My son is in Montessori and he thrives there. I don't feel like a bad mother for working. I know he has a full, enriching day and so do I. When we come together at the end of the day, we have plenty to talk about. Staying at home is not an option so why feel guilty? I'm proud to be a working mother and I know my son is also proud of me.
This question is all wrong. It is possible to have a life that is too well-examined, too well-planned, too well-orchestrated.
The proper question is not can it be done, but how is a life that features a nourishing non-work existance that includes motherhood and marraige complemented by a thriving, dynamic legal practice?
As I seem to be the only woman on the planet who is making it work, I think it is important to spread the news. Mothers who have great legal work lives often have the emotional and finacial resources to have richer spiritual lives, better relationships with thier spouses, better ability to focus on thier children, and more skills to improve thier communities.
I love my child and husband more deeply than I ever thought possible before I met them. I work very, very hard as an intellectual property litigator. I try as hard as I can to provide thoughtful, helpful legal services. I will be an asset to my profession and my community as I learn and grow into an exceptional attorney.
I do not leave slack in my wake that my co-workers must absorb as you describe above. My current state of affairs is indebted to my ancestors. My great-grandmother worked in a department store to make ends meet during the Great Depression. My grandmothers worked as a cafateria worker and a church secretary. My mother taught school. All of these ladies haunted me when i started engineering school and even after I graduated from law school.
New Model firms let their lawyers select a schedule that works for them, without compromising the high-level nature of the work they desire. At a traditional firm, when a partner calls on a Friday at 6 p. But at New Model firms, attorneys have the power to say no. These firms are gaining acceptance and becoming less stigmatized because the demand is client-driven.
Hastings report emphasizes, clients see a significant value in hiring Big Law-trained attorneys from New Model firms for a fraction of Big Law rates. But New Model firms may help mothers who are looking for an alternative to Big Law find their work-life sweet spot. And maybe more women I meet at the swing set will tell me they are lawyers—present tense.
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